Ok, so after proofreading this, it seems to have come off with a negative tone. I'm not sure why, maybe it's just me. As a perpetual optimist, that seems odd, but hey, who knows? So, this is my first blog post. I don't know if it will be followed by 100 more or none at all. This one documents the results of a personal test that had surprising results. If I offend anyone, my apologies. My thoughts are directed at no one, they are merely personal reflections. If you stick it through to the end (it might get disjointed and wander a bit), thanks for reading!
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A few days ago, I read the blog of a stranger that someone posted on my Facebook timeline. I read it from my phone, while in bed. That single post hit me like a ton of bricks. It made me cry, and I came quite close to throwing my phone in the toilet. I chose not to, as I do actually use it occasionally to communicate with loved ones, occasionally. In short, this blog outlined the moment that this mother realized she had become everything she didn't want to be as a mother. She was distracted by being committed to the wrong tasks (PTA, mom's clubs, school events, etc), distracted by all the "things" to be done (laundry, dishes, etc.), and mostly, distracted by her phone and all of the useless information it provided. She had become tired and grumpy, and instead of enjoying her family, she found them to be an interruption to the other "things". It was then that she realized she had become so short fused that she yelled frequently, got outwardly exasperated with her children, and simply was not enjoying what was supposed to be the greatest time of her life. She also realized, after an incident with accidentally spilled rice, that her 6 year old daughter was terrified of her. Although I didn't write that blog, that woman is me. I am that woman. However you look at it, it's BAD.
That was a Thursday night. After reading that, I instantly realized how much time I really spent using my phone. My own 6 year old asked me recently what it is I even do on my phone. I had no good answer. Friday, I posted two things to Facebook, totally useless information, and checked some work emails. I even used it for some text messages to my husband and maybe even a phone call. It was very little. It sat in the living room over night, not next to my head getting its precious go juice. When it rang randomly mid-day Saturday, I noticed the battery was almost out, so I plugged it in. I didn't touch it again until Sunday evening, when I made sure my alarms were set for Monday. And you know, it wasn't that hard!! I didn't miss a single thing that was important!! I stopped living life looking for Facebook moments. I just lived life. We went downtown and played all day Saturday. It wasn't about going through the motions for someone else to "like". It was about being in motion, and still being able to stop and appreciate things as seen from a 6 year old. It was amazing! Could it really make that much of a difference? Was I really THAT addicted to my phone? Did it really change my behavior that much?
Time for the test. Today was the day. I had all the apps - Facebook, Pinterest, IMDB, and of course Google, so that I could instantly look up that random bit of useless information. I deleted them. Well, all but Google, because let's face it, Google makes the world go 'round, and I didn't want my phone to forget how to phone. It was quite liberating. I now knew that any communication through my phone was someone I have in my life for a reason. Those people actually have my phone number, and use it. There aren't that many, maybe 15. So how in the world did I get 180 FB friends???? Now, I am not admonishing Facebook by ANY measure. I have genuinely reconnected with some people I thought I had lost forever, and I am endlessly thankful for social media in that respect. Still, 180? I think not. What I am doing, is taking myself out of something that takes time away from the important moments. I will never again tell my daughter to "hold on" while I post something. It. doesn't. matter. I will be present. So, I will leave Facebook to itself, without me, and I am sure it will be just fine. I will certainly stroll through to check on some of my favorites, but hopefully I won't need to. I plan to reach out to those personally, so that they don't get lost again! Let's face it, it isn't their fault I lost them!
To sum it up, I have had this initial blog forming in my head for a few days. I used to write a lot. I used to have a finger on my "voice" and I used it often. I enjoyed it. Now, that voice is struggling. I feel like Ariel on her legs for the first time. Yes, I watch a LOT of Disney! I don't know yet where this blog will lead, but I am always happy for the company. I don't need you to "like" it or blow sunshine where it doesn't belong. This is for me. Just me. It makes me feel better to get these thoughts out of my head and into words. I have no theme in mind. There will be no advice. It could be some of those crazy things my kids said or did that I want to get down before my crap memory loses them. It could be a recipe...after all, without Pinterest, where will they go??? This isn't meant to be preachy, soap-boxy, or judgmental. If that happens, I am tough enough for a virtual slap.
I already feel better by not being tied to my phone like I was. I know it isn't the phone or the apps to blame when it's all broken down. My thoughts on that tend to get soap-boxy, so I will leave it at this: I stopped worrying about what everyone else thought about my life and simply started to enjoy it for myself. That has made me crazy happy in just three days! :) And yes, I am aware that keeping a blog is somewhat contradictory to that sentiment, but we will deal with that later!
I do want to credit the blog I read, as I did a terrible job of summarizing her post. She has a fantastic style that I will continue to read. Here is the link to that post.
http://www.handsfreemama.com/2013/12/10/the-bully-too-close-to-home/
